And I Will Get Lonely

Some days after being dumped you will surprise yourself with your resiliency, and start to feel like things are looking up.  You may spend time with friends, do activities that make you happy, or just have a more positive outlook because of some misfiring in your brain chemistry.  I think of these days as gimmes, and there are only so many that the heart will allow before you start to feel shitty again.

The Mountain Goats' "Get Lonely" talks about the inevitability of loneliness, despite your best efforts to escape its clutches:

I will rise up early and dress myself up nice
and I will leave the house and check the deadlock twice.
and I will find a crowd and blend in for a minute
and I will try to find a little comfort in it.
and I will get lonely and gasp for air.
and send your name up from my lips like a signal flare

Not exactly comforting, but part and parcel of being dumped,

unfortunately. 

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I Did My Time in the Jail of Your Arms

At some point after being dumped, you will be angry (and will experience many different kinds of anger).  I have covered that a little on the blog, but nothing quite captures the bitterness and ill will you feel toward the person for being so stupid as to dump you. YOU, of all people.  Doesn't he or she know that they will never find someone like you?  That it was them, not you, that is to blame for things ending?  That they will one day regret it, and realize that they have aged and lost the hope of finding another who will love them the way you once did?  That day can't come soon enough, as far as you are concerned.

Tom Waits' song "Who Are You?" is a great song for the dumped, a poison-tongued lament that tells his ex- that she is a cold liar who is incapable of loving anybody.  He wants her to take back all the lies he "believed so well," including her love itself.  He tells her that he did his time "in the jail of your arms," and now she should "get down on the floor / Don't you know this is war?"
 [Props to Any Major Dude With Half a Heart ]




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You Didn't Stand By Me

When you look back on all the promises you made to each other, that you would love each other forever, grow old together, and so forth, it can make your whole situation seem all the more confusing and unimaginable.  You might find letters, objects, and other things that swear eternal fidelity, and see these as proof that you are not crazy, that you should not have been dumped.  The only alternative in your eyes is that the whole thing was a big lie.

The Clash knew this feeling too-- "Train in Vain" is an anthem for the dumped, and it can feel good to sing along as Joe Strummer bitterly laments, "You must explain my this must be / Did you lie when you spoke to me? / Did you stand by me? / No not at all."

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Ache

Thinking back on all the mistakes you made in a relationship is a painful experience.  All you want is another chance to undo the petty or  stupid things you did, and for the person who dumped you to say that maybe, at some point, you can give things another try.  It doesn't matter if they really mean it, you just want that possibility to exist somewhere in the universe.  Time passes, and you think back on things.  Maybe you've moved on, maybe you haven't-- either way, it aches.  It will always ache whenever you see that person.

"Lean your head on mine/ Like you used to. / (Used to your lean) / I don't mind if you're faking it."  Fuck I love Jawbreaker.

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You're One of Them!

When you are in a relationship, you sometimes build an "us vs. them" kind of narrative; each of you acknowledges that the other person is the only one who really "gets" you.  This bond can be precious, and when you are knee-deep in shit, you can always look with comfort towards your relationship and your partner who will sympathize with you.  When they break-up with you, it feels like the deepest kind of betrayal.  They'll say they still love you or want to be friends, but you have been stung with the realization that they don't share the kind of bond you thought you had.

Enter Black Flag's "My War": "You say that you're my friend, but you're one of them!" 

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I Watched You Lifting Off

A difficult part of being dumped is seeing or hearing about the person who left you moving forward with their life, while you remain stuck in stasis.  You think you can make things work somehow, that your relationship can not only be repaired, but be made better and stronger than ever before.  And then, as you turn to tell the person your plan to resolve all the issues, they are walking out the door.

Adem's "Launch Yourself" presents this situation, and while the dumped one has his back turned, the other person rockets herself into space, and towards better things:  "You pressed / The button / To launch yourself / While I was outside / You left me stranded / While you broke through / The atmosphere."



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You broke me, I thought I knew you well

When your partner dumps you, he or she will sometimes tell you that they still love you, and they want to salvage a friendship. While this is often a big lie to keep you from feeling bad, it can also have some truth to it. Yet this new kind of love they may still feel for you is almost worse than having no contact with the person, since it feels cheap and motivated by their own guilt. And how can you ever be friends with them after the deep wounds they have caused you?

Camera Obscura's "James" can be seen as an exploration of this event, and of "why love gets up and goes," or at least changes into something else. While the eponymous character will no doubt always love the dumped person "in his own way," she wants to be with him still, something most of the dumped can relate to.




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